So, I've now officially been in Japan for three months now.  I'm finishing up about 5 days of being sick.  It started on Sunday, and lasted till today.  I have a good feeling that I'll be better by tomorrow.  I decided to come to work today, but I have no real idea why.  Because my supervisor is out too, with the flu, and was asked to stay away for the entire week.  I went to the Hospital on Tuesday because they had the same concerns that I would be infected with the flu, but it turned out to be negative.  I guess there is an inherit desire to come to work, even though I knew I wouldn't be doing anything and I am not 100% better either.  Why is that?  Sometimes I feel like, really I must not know what to do with myself, so that's why I go to work, because I can pass the time and "claim" I did something.  But in reality, I haven't done much.  I pray to God that He will have me do something worthwhile.  So, the question is, if I pray the prayer, and my heart is in my prayer, and I'm really receptive about doing something, am I to conclude that either one, I'm making a presence to others, and in reality, that is really worth something (?), or that two, I don't really have to do be "productive" at any and every particular point in the day?

Is is my American mentality and work force driven into me that I must be productive all 8 hours of the day?  Eh, I really don't know.

So, since coming to Japan, I have to tell you something.  One of the worst things here in Japan has nothing to even do with Japan, its actually the other foreigners.  I always feel like there is so much judgment between them.  So much built up mistrust.  Why is it when I see another foreigner (be it American or other westerner), that we try to ignore each other?  I mean, I assume that most people feel similar on the inside, so we long for intimacy and closeness with each other.  How come when we actually come face to face with one another, we freeze up and suddenly act cool or cold to each other.  Like this feeling of independence, I don't really need you.  But you know what I really dislike?  Its the constant judging of each other.  I'm guilty of it too!  And I hate that part of myself.  I just want and wish we could all be real to each other.  Enough of this fake crap, were we all hide behind a smile and a mask and tell each other that we're doing well.  I mean I just did it to the principal 2 minutes ago.  He walked by and asked if I was feeling better, and I told him that I was.  But you know, really, I just want to go home and rest for another day. 

But, if I tell people around me that I'm not doing well, they look at me with those eyes and they try to tell me some sort of comforting word, but in reality, they don't really know either.  So why not say, "I don't really know, or I'm dealing with a similar problem".  Instead, expect not to talk to that person again or for a long time because they're now avoiding you because you've been "real" with them, and they can't handle it.  They don't know how to handle it because they can't handle it themselves.  By you being real to them, you've forced them to acknowledge that really they have issues too.

You know, I was reading a book called "Life on the Edge" by James Dobson, and he made a very profound point.  Its not that most of us are isolated, but more like we are insulated.  We have insulated ourselves from the feelings of others and ourselves.  We feel lonely, and we blame it on not having the "right" friends or an understanding "spouse", but in reality, we are passing off the issue so that we don't have to own our issues.  So whether I'm insulated or isolated, the result is the same.  Extreme loneliness.  Yes, it gets better, and it has day by day.  But interestingly enough, it gets better because the more Japanese I learn the better I can get to know Japanese people.  Because the other foreigners are quite commonly cold to each other?  Does this mean that we don't hang out?  No, we do, but "hanging out" and doing something together are quite different.  By this I mean, there's usually something to do or some event, in which other foreigners will invite you to, but usually this is a drinking party or in some way it is tied to drinking.  Always drinking.  ALWAYS DRINKING!  Its insane here.  I can't believe how many times people choose to drink.  It seems that if they could they would be drunk 24 hours a day.  I mean why?  So that they can drown their problems that they never talk about or expose to the world in their numbness of their minds? 

Why is it so hard to say, "Hey, I don't know why I feel blah...but I feel blah".  Maybe its because the person listening usually says, "Hey, don't feel blah, cause you don't have too!".  What the crap is that supposed to do for the person who took one good step in the right direction for once?  They've been shut down, invalidated because person B told them not to feel "blah".  Or maybe person B with will say, "Oh I felt blah, uh, yeah, um, I don't know, I read this book and I decided not to feel blah anymore".  Liar!  Maybe person B doesn't feel blah anymore, but more than likely person B hasn't really thought about why they don't feel blah anymore.  So person B makes something up on the spot.  Why not better to have some time to reflect think about it and then really honestly tell your story person B!?!  Well I suppose person A would have to wait and listen right?  Maybe person A doesn't want to wait?  Maybe person A would rather get drunk because they feel blah and they know deep down in side that in 10 minutes, they won't feel blah anymore because they're drunk.  For SHAME!

I can't remember who said it, Family Guy or Simpsons, but it was rightfully said, "Beer, the cause of and solution to, all of life's problems".   But to what kind of solution?  You don't want to know, you seriously don't.  It would make you cry just as I'm starting to tear up to know where the solution will lead you.  God rest his soul, but my friend Terry, I crossed paths with him for 3 days or so.   Life will lead you to the gutter, and for some amazing reason, that is where you'll want to stay. 

So where does this lead me?  One thing.  Please respect each other.  Please be honest with each other.  But here is the most important part.  Respect yourself.  Don't lie to yourself.  If you feel blah, then tell yourself you feel blah.  Don't hide it.  Its an offense to God and yourself.  If you have problems there are solutions, but they don't begin or end with the bottle.

Well, its been a little bit of time since the last time I wrote something.

 

Let me start off by saying, that about 2 weeks ago, I went on a vacation to see my friend in Utsunomiya.  I took off 5 days plus a weekend, and started on my journey on Thursday.

 

On Thursday afternoon I left my small village of Oshima-cho and I caught the ferry to Sasebo.  Now, I have done this a few times before (like twice) and it’s the “big city” as far as both me and other Oshima-ites are concerned.  I went there on that day to finally get a cell phone here in Japan.  Let me say that living in Japan without a cell phone, as pathetic as this sounds to everyone from 10 years ago, but its awful.  Perhaps life was better and more simpler back in the day, but Google maps is my friend, and I LOVE being able to use the GPS feature on it.  More on that later.

So, I spent pretty much all afternoon at the Docomo store, trying to figure out which phone I wanted.  Ironically enough, my digital camera started breaking on that very day right before I left (it could have been that big wave that got me and my camera wet while I was taking some pictures of the stormy waters the day or two before).  Well, so I figured, why not buy a fancy Japanese digital cell phone camera?  Surely they have them, and surely they are improved pieces of technology here than anywhere else?  Well the answer to that question is yes.  But the catch is, uh, Japan is expensive?  Yeah, big shocking news right there my friends.  So, yeah, I made a compromise and got one of last season’s top picks for $300.  Yes, after rebate, after all discounts for signing up with 2 year contract, $300.  Oh, whats that?  Sounds pricey?  Yeah, so was the other cameras that were sporting the 8 and 10 MP.  So, 5.2 MP is good enough for me I guess.  Besides, all I really want to do is put the sim chip in my unlocked iPhone and use that (which I have been doing since).

 

So, I started my journey to see my friend the next day because I didn’t get out of the store until 8 pm, and it was a little too late to travel.

 

I think it should be added for remembrance that I don’t speak Japanese, understand Japanese, or think Japanese.  So, remember that traveling on the train system is to my disadvantage.  So, here’s where it gets interesting.  As you know, Japan is expensive, but especially for traveling.  So, there’s this cool little ticket called the Ju-hachi kippu or the 18 ticket.  I think its designed for kids who are rich on time, but poor on cash.  And for the time being, that was going to be mee too!  So, I bought the ticket.  But here’s why a foreigner who doesn’t speak the language or understand what the heck is going on around him shouldn’t buy the ju-hachi kippu.  Because you have to do all your traveling via local trains.  Which, one, takes WAY too long, and, two, requires you to understand the basics of train travel here in Japan, of which I don’t.  So, basically, I spent 1/3 of my time relaxing, 1/3 of my time worrying about taking the wrong train, and 1/3 of my time freaking out because I took the wrong train.  But really that 1/3 of my time relaxing was pretty cool.  I got some reading done, and I got some anime watched (in Japanese of course). 

 

Well, yes, it was a slow go.  So on the third day of traveling, I only made it about 1/3 of the way there to my destination.  Okay okay, I admit it, I’m lazy, and I don’t like to get up in the morning, especially on my “vacation” even though my itenary has me doing nothing but sitting on a train all day. 

So, I called my friend, Taka, and I made sure that he still was on plan to see me and hang out.  You know us young people, we like to say “yes” to everything, and then forget our commitments three days later.  But alas, he remembered.   So I had to make a difficult decision.  I decided to whip out my pocketbook and pay for the blasted shinkansen (bullet train) ticket.  Hey, that ticket costs $150 one-way!  And I was only going to hang out with him for one day anyway. 

So, I made it to Tokyo and then eventually Utsunomiya around 11 pm (after starting on my journey at 10 that morning, and yes, even with the bullet train).  So, he picked me up, and I think anyone who knows Taka, or who knows of Taka, knows what we did that night.  Yup, we went drinking.  But as I am the foreigner, and he is the Japanese person, of whom, the only “friend” that I have in Japan, I wasn’t about to lecture him on how I’ve grown disillusioned with the joys of daily drinking and hangovers. 

Well, the next day, after virtually no sleep, him and his friend, Chie-chan took me to a part of Japan that does handmade pottery.  Now, does this mean they are famous for it?  Yes, I suppose so.  But how famous for it, and how much is for local Japanese tourists, I don’t know.  But it was fun, because, well, I’ve never done that before. 

 

So, the next day, I left my friend Taka, and started my journey back.  Yup, I said one day, because he had to work on Monday.  Well, I started my journey, but along the way to see Taka, my American friend, D’Vonne called me and wanted to see me.  Since she lives in the Osaka, Kyoto, Himeji, Kobe region (yes, that’s a big region, but everything’s relative you know), I figured its on the way back, so why not stop and see her?  Well, the reason why is, guess what?  In order to see her, I have to take another Shinkansen train.  Because taking the slow train would take virtually all day, and allow no time to hang out.  So, alas, I paid the price yet again, this time it was $110.  Well, I enjoyed my time hanging out with D’Vonne.  Since we became friends over the mutual desires to want to relocate to Japan back in the states, and I got a chance to see her on my original vacation to Japan during last Christmas, then it was like a shortened version of my first vacation.  But she took me to a beautiful park, where an old castle used to be (now the only things that are left are the two watch towers, which might as well be castles themselves).  We went out on the lake and rented a pink dinosaur to paddle around in at the park.  What?  So, we enjoyed our conversation, because we had a basis of various topics to be discussed about on top of the usual weather talk, “atsui ne?” (Its hot isn’t it?), which is pretty much all the Japanese small talk I know, but it never seems to get you very far. 

And for a record for myself and others who care, it should be noted here, that this was the first “English” conversation that I had in the 3 weeks of me being in Japan.  So, it was a blessing to have someone to talk to, finally.  Cause, honestly, I’m a talker, and I don’t do well in a sea of “so desu ne” (“yeah, hmmmm”). 

 

Well, that brings me to my final day of my vacation.  And here is something spiritual and important.  Because, I’m not sure what to say or think of everything that happened, but I’m glad that it did happen after all.  Esentially, before I left for my vacation, I sent out an SOS SMS to all my friends living in Japan (who have cell phones) (yeah I know right?  See, how important it is?).  And I said this, “I’m planning on taking a vacation during from Aug. 12^th to the 18^th.  And I’d like to know if you would be interested in meeting up.”  Now, my 5 Japanese friends or people living in Japan, don’t live near each other, BUT, I figured, that whoever responded back would be the people that I actually go see on my vacation.  (hee hee, sneaky, eh?).  Well, days went by, and only Taka responded.  But eventually, so did D’Vonne, and Keiko.  Now, Keiko was the least likely person I expected to respond back to my SMS.  This is because Keiko and I had dated over via long distance after we met each other on New Year’s Eve during my previous vacation to Japan.  Well, three months in, she decided that her feelings had changed, and was no longer interested in dating, but just wanting to stay friends.  I went through my own emotional breakup (funny, you tell someone that you love them, and then it eventually becomes true), so I ended up sending her an email that was slightly pointed because I was hurt, and then I never heard from her again, until her email. 

Well, again, not knowing much about Japan, and not knowing the language, I fumbled my way to her house or actually the train station near her house (yes, and bought another Shinkansen ticket to do it), and the Keiko that I remembered and expected to see was dramatically different.  No longer was she smiling and happy to see me.  She was very shy and seemed very stand offish.  I’m not sure exactly way, I’m not Japanese, and I seriously don’t get it.  But, that night and the next morning and midafternoon, I hung out with her family.  It was soooooo much fun.  Her family is the best.  Her mom is soo nice, and her father is a Christian, and a very nice man.  Her younger sister is pretty shy, but her two brothers were both really nice and fun to hang out with.  It was the first time I got to stay with a real Japanese family (sorry Taka, but staying at your family’s house, but not with your family doesn’t cut it). 

And here’s why I am so glad that Keiko invited me.  Because here in Japan, it is common knowledge to Japanese, but very few foreigners, that most interactions with people in public or customer service places are all for show.  Yes, people are exceedingly nice to you, but that doesn’t mean they like you.  Yes, the girls at the front desk flirt with you, but that doesn’t mean they like it.  Yes the people at the Docomo shop will hang out with you all day, laugh and joke around, but that doesn’t mean that you are anything but some customer that they must wait on.  I point this out, not to complain, but just to make my time with Keiko’s family more dramatic.  Because, since I got here, for the first time, I felt that I was being included with the family, not because anyone was obligated to help me out, and therefore, had to pretend to like me, but only because I had met a generally happy Japanese family that was interested in becoming friends with an American.  And that meant everything in the world to me.  Since the month I’ve been here, for one night I felt unnatural kindness that even the best Japanese customer service could never reproduce.  That is love.  People being nice to me not because they have to be, but because they choose to be.  It was the best.  Here in Japan, the family unit is very important here because an individual doesn’t receive unconditional love much anywhere else.

From a Christian stand point of view, I pray for the churches here in Japan, that they could create the feeling of unconditional love in their communities.  But so far, I don’t feel much of it at my local church.  But if it was possible to create or transform a church here to be a church after the first church in the book of acts, then I think we’d slowly have a transformation of Japan.  I don’t claim to be an expert, but I have met and hung out with a few families here, but only until Keiko’s family, have a felt the feeling of love, not because someone has to, but because someone chooses to.  Its beautiful.

Finally, I had to include this one.  I haven't shared all my photos, for that, you might want to check out facebook, but I had to share this one.  Its Keiko and her brother when they were little.  Its soooo cute.  :)